To Go Beyond Fear, Look At The Fear Directly, Not The Thing Fear Is Telling You To Be Afraid Of.
“When you can really allow yourself to feel afraid, and you don’t resist the experience of fear, you are truly beginning to master fear.”
Fear tends to show up in us as this big, powerful thing. But have you ever considered that fear itself is afraid? It is. Because if you were to look at it directly, you would see through it, stop empowering it by trying to avoid it, and it would dissipate. As such, to protect itself, fear creates another layer of fear around itself that says “be afraid to look at the fear.”
Often, we personify or treat fear as a separate entity to help us conceptualize and manage it, but in reality, fear is an integral part of our psyche. It is not a thing as much as it is an emotional and thought pattern of energy that we experience as what we call fear.
Before I go on, let’s differentiate between two kinds of fear: physical and emotional. Physical fear plays an important role—to keep the body safe. Outside of that, most emotional fears are maladaptive leftovers from childhood that, left unchallenged, contract and limit our lives. Much of spiritual growth is about confronting fears and overcoming them, allowing us to expand. So we are talking about seeing through emotional fear.
Fear says, “be afraid of X,” which gets us to focus on X instead of the fear itself. This acts as a cloak for fear. Running from fear is exactly how we give our power over to it, keeping it energized. Fears are areas of our psyche that we keep in darkness. You, as conscious awareness, are the light. Stop believing what fear tells you. Instead, be here now, in the moment, bringing the light of your consciousness to look directly at it.
In the movie The NeverEnding Story, the hero, Atreyu, repeatedly encounters the menacing wolf, Gmork, a symbol of his deepest fears. Atreyu initially tries to avoid Gmork, inadvertently giving his fear more power and presence. However, when he finally confronts the wolf, he discovers that Gmork is not as formidable as he once believed, and defeats it with surprising ease. This moment illustrates that facing our fears directly often reveals them to be far less terrifying than they appear from a distance. My own experience has proven this to be consistently true.
How might we best look at fear? I suggest you bring four powerful aspects of the higher Self to it: awareness, curiosity, willingness, and unconditional love.
Awareness is always the starting point because without it you have no choice or power. Without awareness, fear operates unconsciously, driving behavior and thought patterns without our knowledge. Awareness is corrective. Being in awareness allows the infinite intelligence within us to correct our misperceptions.
Next, I bring curiosity. Curiosity encourages us to explore the fears rather than avoid them. It transforms fear from a threat into an opportunity for understanding and growth. I’ve realized that curiosity is of the soul, hence carries a lot of power. It puts us in a non-judgmental state of openness with a high potential for discovery. With curiosity, fear becomes a portal of empowerment. This shifts the power dynamic back to you.
Next, add a good dose of willingness to simply be with the feeling of fear without a need to do anything about it. Fear is simply a feeling and nothing more! Willingness is the readiness to face and engage with fear. It involves a commitment to be with and move through any discomfort and uncertainty that may be present. This too changes the power balance from fear to you.
And, ultimately, all parts of us seek unconditional love. This especially goes for the parts that experience fear—so holding these parts in love is the ultimate healing power.
This isn’t about eliminating fear. It is about empowering yourself in the face of fear. It is about being the master of yourself so that fear isn’t the master of you. It is about owning the fear so the fear doesn’t own you (to paraphrase Peter Gabriel).
Speaking of… Peter Gabriel has a great piece called Darkness where he talks about how emotional fear has controlled his life and what happens by confronting it. The piece evokes both the intensity of fear and the gentleness and peace that comes from seeing it for what it is, a little scared being that is looking for love. I recommend listening to it while looking at the lyrics.
Awareness + curiosity + willingness + love = freedom from fear = more peace = taking responsibility for your life = true power.
🕉 Eric